LEADER (MEN): There is no beast more shameless than a woman. Even fire is less savage.
LEADER (WOMEN): You know this, and yet you choose to fight us, when we could be your friends instead.
LEADER (MEN): I will never stop hating women!
LEADER (WOMEN): Do whatever you like. But you look ridiculous, standing there without a tunic. Let me get you dressed, at least.
LEADER (MEN): You’re right, I do look a little ridiculous. Thank you. I only took it off because I was so angry.
LEADER (WOMEN): Now you look much better! If you weren’t being so hostile to me, I would take that bug out of your eye, too.
LEADER (MEN): That’s what that is! I wondered what was hurting me so much. Here, use this ring to get it out.
(He reaches under his robe and grabs out a cock ring.)
By Zeus, it stings.
LEADER (WOMEN): All right, though you should learn not to be so grumpy with me.
(She removes the gnat with the cock ring.)
Look at this thing. It’s gigantic! It must be the king of all gnats.
LEADER (MEN): Thank you so much. Oh that feels so much better, it’s making me cry.
LEADER (WOMEN): I’ll dry your tears for you, even though you don’t deserve it. Now, give me a kiss.
LEADER (MEN): A kiss? I don’t think I should.
LEADER (WOMEN): You should.
LEADER (MEN): Oh, well. You women always win out, in the end. It’s true, what they say. You can’t live with them, but you certainly can’t live without them.
Let’s make a treaty between ourselves, and promise to stop treating each other so poorly. Come, let’s finalize our treaty with a happy song!
CHORUS (ALL) (Singing):
Women come, come on men.
Come and be conjoined again.
Have a feast, have a ball.
We’d like to invite you all.
We’ll have eels, and we’ll have wine.
If you want some gold that’s fine.
We’ll include you all, no doubt.
Unless you’re poor, then you’re locked out!